Feedback

So, along with asking friends to read my book, I've actually had an editor go through it and today I got the edits back.

Now-there's lots of typos (for those of you who've read it-you already know this) but there's been some punctuation fixes and other minor things along with some structural feedback-but most of the structural changes were the last edit.

Anyhoo-here's an exerpt from what she (a professional!) had to say:

Congratulations on writing a wonderful story! It’s rich, honest, colourful and inspiring. You’ve achieved the difficult task of creating complex reality on the page and, through that, delivering universal messages. Your readers – and I include those like me who are not personally acquainted with any of the real people in the story – will be able relate it to their own lives and learn. You’ve said many deep things about the human condition in an engaging way. What we have is a complete and careful picture of an interesting but so-called ‘ordinary’ group of people that is often dark, sometimes bitter, but leavened with plenty of humour and love. The characters are all people whom we wish we knew. The story is one we are glad to have been told.

...

And this:

I understand that this is a book about Dad, and the other characters are there to support and explain the central story about him and his life. You have achieved that.

There was lots more - suggestions and the like - but I'm just going to read the nice part.

Just thought I'd share

:)

Okay....

Instead of writing a gazillion reasons as to why I haven't been posting here, I'm going to ask a single question instead:

Who wants to read my book?

What I've been doing with my days....

Writing dating profiles....like the following:

My self-summary

Okay here goes: Maybe I'm just a romantic at heart, but I've always figured if I'm meant to be with someone, somehow it will just work out.
How naive. I guess I'm going to have to make more of an effort - which is why I'm here.
So what do you want to know about me? I don't know, I'm well-educated, I like bright people but don't believe that it's universities or schools that make people bright - it's more about who you are. I've travelled quite a lot - have lived outside of Canada for a while but missed the 'true north' and had to come back. That being said, I'd still like to see so many more places...Chile, Galapagos Islands, Northwest Territories - they're all on my wish list and yeah, they have nothing in common.
What else? I love animals - I have a cat named Monster, am thinking about a adopting a second one and calling it Maniac - though I'd really love to get a Newfoundlander and name it Puppy. Maybe I should have put that under things I spend a lot of time thinking about...
My summer weekends are spent up north as much as possible - I love the outdoors, campfires and swimming in those cold blackwater lakes. I like to be active and I'm training for a half-marathon - but if you're one of those people that can qualify for the Boston marathon - I will never be your running partner ;)
Well that's all I have for now...not sure if this is really a self-summary or a collection of random thoughts. Same thing maybe?

What I’m doing with my life

Not waiting for retirement to cross things off my bucket list.

I’m really good at

Moving. And yes, there's a story behind that...

The first things people usually notice about me

My sass... I've had people comment about my eyes and/or my smile, but that was just too easy.

Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food

My favourite book is Crow Lake - but I'll read just about anything - well, except for Science Fiction or anything that starts with the words "Fifty Shades..." I'm not a very good follower.
I love movies, shows, tv...entertainment really, but I also like to do things - not just watch. I love long dinners that include a glass or two or wine and interesting conversations among friends punctuated with lots of laughter....organic laughter is the best. That also kind of answers the question about food I'm guessing...

The six things I could never do without

Passport, the cottage, good friends, good wine, good conversations and lots of laughter.

I spend a lot of time thinking about

Different ways I can continue to avoid finishing the book I'm writing...I feel guilty if it's just inane activities so random courses or training for a half marathon seem like viable excuses.

On a typical Friday night I am

..doing something. I hope...

Texting

Texting - I've never been a big fan, but I'm beginning to hate it.

Why?  Well, I think it's overused and often misused - disguising people's bad behaviour.  My real problem with it is that texting is taking over phoning.  When did actually picking up the phone and phoning someone become so passe??

This past weekend, I had a little get together with some friends - and a number of people who had accepted, text to say they weren't coming.  So - okay - at least some text before the evening started, but not before I had planned for a certain number of people to actually be there.  I guess life happens, but why not just call?  It's far more polite. Seriously - are people afraid to pick up the phone and make contact?  Truthfully, I'm not that perturbed about it- I just find it annoying - but what's inspired my mini-rant is someone texting me the day AFTER the event.

Seriously?  I really think that's rude.

Pedantic?  I don't think so.  I would only text my apologies if I was trying to avoid someone - so not only is it rude, it's cowardly.

Oh - and by the way - despite my complaining about non-attenders (and only last minute, just before they were suppose to arrive, non-attenders) I had a really nice time with the group that did show.  I'll even consider doing something again.

I want to tell stories

There's a long story behind that statement, but I'll get to that eventually, I just don't have the energy for it today but I thought it was important to write down some of the wonderful great moments of insight I've been having during my 40 degree Celsius fever ride and subsequent codeine flights of fancy over the last week

At some point during one of those long stints of lying in bed with a wet washcloth on my forehead I asked myself what it was I really wanted to do with my life and I very clearly answered: "I want to write stories."

During another stint, I realised that I don't want to write fiction.  I like telling little vignettes from my life - not because I want to tell stories about me, but that I tell stories from the instant 'scenes' I see when I people watch in life.  The funny, amusing, strange, eccentric things that people do.

I also somehow decided that it had to be from my life, not my imagination, because I just think if I made them up, they'd sound, well... made up.

Funny how a 40 degree fever can just make you cut to the chase.

Old Men in Hardware Stores

A friend I know has been trained to run Myers Briggs tests - you know the personality thingys? (very scientific of me, I know....)  When I told her what my personality type was, her response was, "Oh, so that explains why you're always late."

Now most people would be insulted by that, but me? I was just happy to hear that I'm not late out of disrespect for other people's time - as many people think - it has something to do with me wanting to maximize every minute.  (I know, I know, that's not exactly what she told me, but that's what I heard (aka wanted to hear) so I'm sticking with it - makes me sound pretty cool, all in all)

So true to form, I had plans yesterday to go to the quarter final CFL game (Arrgggoooossss!!!  (to you non-Torontonians, no matter how much time I spent trying to explain that - you'd never get it - just know that's its sports related) and I was supposed to be there at 12:30 for the 1:00 pm game.  Unfortunately for the person I was meeting, it was the first time she'd ever done anything socially with me (she's from work - and at work, I'm always on time....).

Although I'd gotten up at 8:30 (really early for me on a Sunday) somehow it wasn't until 11:30 that I realised that the hardware store would be closed by the time the game was over, so I had to go right then if I was going to get the drill I needed.  I know, I know I could have gone on the Monday, but I wanted to fix my towel rack and put up my mirror and fix my scarf rack THAT day, not the next.

At least I text to say I'd be 10 minutes late before heading out.  it would have worked if it hadn't been for the old men....

Just FYI?  I guess it's nice that the hardware stores hire retirees (like Walmart...) but NOT when it screws with my day.

There was a special display on drill sets and since I had bought the wrong thing the day before, I really did need to check with someone who knew something about power tools before leaving.  Special display - you'd think it'd be fast, wouldn't you?  But no, apparently Sunday it special retiree day.  Put a retired couple needing a drill in front of a retiree showing all the bells and whistles of two types of drill sets, I was so fucked.  (I was going to say doomed, but really, that's just too pansy of a word.)

So me, the ever-so patient one, stood for about 10 seconds waiting before going to the next aisle to check out drills and see if I could do it myself, which took about 10 seconds for doubt to creep in, so I headed back to the demonstration table and the retirees were waxing on, "This is the best deal ..." yadda, yadda, yadda....

I thought about just picking up one of the cases and heading to the cash, but it just seemed like more than I could ever possibly use.  Twenty seconds in and I couldn't take it anymore, so I went back to aisle and looked at the stocked shelf but instead of dissipating in the 20 seconds I'd been waiting at the table, the doubt I had been feeling had only grown, so I headed back to the table again.

This time, the conversation sounded like it was wrapping up, with the husband of the couple saying, "Well, I'll just pick up one of these boxes."  And in picking up the box, I figured that they were done, but no, I forgot they were retirees, they were only beginning.  Finally the old men stopped talking and I thought it was over but NOoooo, the old woman with the cane chimed in.

And just when I thought I couldn't bear it a moment longer, I hear her saying, "So John saw what I was doing and said, "Honey, I'm going to buy you a new drill.""

So many parts of that sentence caused mini explosions in my brain.  I must have made some kind of sound or moved in some way because the lady happened to notice I was there (FINALLY!!!!!!) and said, "Oh, I think this young girl is waiting."

She called me young, so that gives you a clue as to how old she was.

Now normally I actually have a great deal of patience for the older generation, but I was already late - if I'd only been 5 minutes in the store - which was my plan - I'd have been on time, but the delay of the old couple, plus the delay of the swap over of staff (seriously, I guess they have a quota of one customer per shift....) and then the added delay of the two staff talking about their coffees (I'm still so annoyed, I can't even fully recount what happened, but just know that it added about 10 minutes to my shopping experience) meant I didn't have a hope in hell of being on  time.

I know I should never have tried to make it to the hardware store and back in such a small window of time, but if everything had gone according to plan, I'd have made it.  I just never for a moment thought I needed to plan for the Old Men in the hardware store.

I managed to get my drill and leave without screaming, but I'm pretty sure those guys were unimpressed by my representation of the younger generation.

Sorry y'all.  I just gave us all a bad rep.

My year of football

I went to a Western Mustangs football game at the end of September (University)
I went to a game in Buffalo a couple of weeks ago (NFL)
I went to the Argos quarter final today (CFL)
I'm going to a Broncos game in Mile High stadium next weekend in Denver (NFL)
The weekend after is the 100th Grey Cup (CFL)
I might be going to another Bills game in Buffalo on the 2nd (though that's looking iffy...) (NFL)
And I'm definitely going on the 16th to the Bills game in Toronto (NFL)

Life is good.

Life is very good.

I don't hate Christmas this year

Yes, that is newsworthy. To be perfectly honest, I'm a little surprised by that.  Now, I'm never going to be the one that's like 'Hey, Wow!  Christmas is coming!"  and have that make me inexplicably happy and giggly.  Nor am I going to rush to get decorations or make my own gingerbread house (though I do LOVE gingerbread) but I did find that today as I was walking around, I didn't run screaming from stores when I heard the Christmas music and I even found that the Christmas stuff at Starbucks is kinda nice.

Some of it.

Some of it's tacky as hell, but isn't tacky what makes Christmas Christmas?

I'll confess to buying their Joy tea.  One would think that someone who drinks so much of it might start to take after it's name, but I'm not making any promises. (which means it's never gonna happen...)  And I even found myself contemplating buying their red & white Christmas mug set but 1. they're waaayyy too expensive for just some old mugs and 2. this mug thing has just got to stop.  I almost have more mugs than pajamas now, so that's just wrong....

Still banning the Christmas cards and presents thing this year (unless I'm spending Christmas day with you, then we'll have to talk....) but I'm not as strongly negative toward the holiday as I was last year.

I'd say I've slipped into neutral.

:)

Baby Steps

So I read this on Oprah's website today, it's a Martha Beck special:

5 Pieces of Advice Everyone Ignores (but Shouldn't!)

1. What leaves you feeling bad, do less of. What leaves you feeling good, do more of.
2. To achieve bigger goals, take smaller steps
3. Lie down and rest for a while.
4. When you don't know what to say, try the truth.
5. Free yourself from dysfunctional people by refusing to try to control them. 

So while I haven't practiced them all today (or ever), I found myself talking to myself on my first run in two months saying, "take smaller steps" and kept saying it and managed to run to the end of my short first run without stopping or walking.

Did that make sense?  Sorry, it's late.

I'd like to claim that I made the connection from 'the smaller steps' comment to my run tonight, but I had a little help, part of the explanation Martha Beck wrote is as follows:

As a teenager, I often injured myself trying to run mountain trails. Then I noticed that bikers downshift to climb hills. I began mimicking them, taking steps so tiny they felt inconsequential. This allowed me to run uphill quickly without getting tired, winded, or hurt. The one race in which I actually placed was on a mountain trail where I scurried along like a mouse on a mission, zipping past runners whose gazelle-like leaps were taxing their lungs and ruining their knees.

 So, okay I didn't place in any race, but tonight, I did finish.

:)

Yeah me!

They say it comes in 3's

So, in the last 5 minutes - literally - two friends have told me they're expecting.  Since it's been so long since I've had sex that I barely remember what it's like, I'm putting some serious cash on the fact that the third person won't be me.

You know, I've always done my best to be happy for my friends - and I've been successful - until now. It just makes me a little sad sometimes to hear how everyone seems to be growing, getting on with their lives while I just seem to be on skip and repeat.  I'm back at the banks - this time in a lower level job and working for a guy that - although bright - is younger and less experienced than me and he makes me crazy.  I've got an apartment to live in, but I don't own anything.  At least in Sydney I used to own my own car - but now I have a car loan so I truly own nothing.

To be honest, that bothers me less than my personal life.  I've done everything I can - I've quit jobs, moved countries to try to sort things out, yet it's moments like these that I just feel like I'm failing at life. I've spent years trying to sort myself out and in just 5 minutes it makes all that work seem so futile.

yeah, I know - it's not that bad.  But the first email came from a friend that's here - that knew I was having a tough time, knew I was struggling yet I never heard from her in the last year.  Vague attempts at dinner were made but I just gave up.  So now, as the multi-birthday month of November has arrived and the dreaded Christmas is looming and the extremely wet, cold and gloomy weather has arrived, I get an email with their 'news' and it's just made me feel terrible.  I know she's not purposely trying to do that - she's not that kind of person - but really - when does the time stop for me having to be happy for everyone and I have something that makes me happy for me?

Venting.  It's suppose to make you feel better.  Fingers crossed.

PS - I'm so not answering her email....

Things to be grateful for

A wise friend said to me today that I need to take the positive things said to me, spend time thinking about them and let them sink in and be grateful.  So...I'm not boasting, I'm just going to put down some of the positive things said to me in the last week, and see if I can prove to myself that they outweigh the one negative thing I heard. (This is something I'm not very good at... Compare this post to my last one and you'll understand.)

• We are very, very happy with your work.
• You've have had a great start and we want you to keep going
• I see you as a leader for the Toronto office
• We need more passionate people like you to help us push forward our planned changes
• Yo've done a great job building relationships with our key customers and senior MD's
• You're easy going and fun to be around
• You did a great job running the team building session
• No one else could have pulled off running that session - that's why we asked you.
• It's so great to see you. 
• You've managed to achieve progress where none of us managed last year
• You're very even keel and a calming presence on the team
• You're right - you are awesome
• You do rock.  I've always thought you rock.
• You are fabulous and you know you are most always the smartest person in the room.
• Oh, we've got a spitfire here!  I like that.
• You're waayyy hotter than her. 
• You are an exceptional hire.
• You have been so supportive.  I really appreciate it.
• You are a good friend.
• It's so great to see you. 

Okay, I've gotten bored of doing this.  It's amazing how saying nice things holds my attention for maybe 5 minutes, but I can obsess for days about any small criticism....

Oh, I just realized I forgot the point - I'm suppose to absorb and be grateful.  Better turn the tv off....

....

....

....

It worked.  I am very grateful that people are so generous with their compliments.  

I am very grateful, full stop.

Dem all bitches...

Seriously.  Sometimes I really hate women.  No kidding.  Sometimes the thought of only working with guys is so appealing.  But I realise that's so wrong.  Too bad that knowing that's wrong doesn't stop me thinking it.

So what's going on?  you ask.

Well, I have a colleague who's decided that I was doing 'her work' and 'taking over' when in fact, I was asked by my boss and her boss to do something because she was busy doing other things.

She was being such a cow about it, that I acquiesced and told her it was all hers - I would leave it.  (The fact that I was home with pneumonia really reduced my fight capacity....funny how she picked the time when I was home sick to create such a stir.)

Apparently that wasn't good enough, so when my boss was in town last week for our team workshop - and after I left the pub at 6pm because I was still in recovery mode from pneumonia - she spent the night complaining about me to my boss.

Bitch.

Seriously?  She didn't say a word to ME about it, she just bitched to HIM.

Fucking cow.

So - during my annual review with my boss the next day - my hungover boss that is... he brings it up.  AND he even typed a comment into the review about getting along with junior co-workers.  Despite the fact that he rated me 'exceptional' on relationship building.

Seriously.  What fucking crap.

But to his credit, he admitted it was his fault the confusion had even happened BUT he was shocked when he heard that she had told me he'd backed her.  In turn, I was shocked that he told me she doesn't like me.   Really?  Isn't there something else you'd rather spend your energy on?   It's all so childish and I really want no part of it - yet somehow I'm stuck in the muddy middle.

I told my boss that I always remain professional, that my aim is to get things done and deliver for him, and that I will always be polite and even pleasant when I can be - that she doesn't have to like me, we just have to work together.

So he says to me, "but wouldn't it be nicer if she did like you?"

Somehow I managed to not tell him that I'm uninterested in whether a conniving little snivelling cow likes me or not.

Bitch.

So - any comment has been removed from my review and he's told me he's exceptionally happy with me, yaadda, yadda, yadda - but today it's still bugging me.  One of my team members is her friend - and I should stay away from her as well, because in the walk to the tea store and back today, I somehow managed to be told by her that no one thinks this other girl did anything wrong.  At least she wasn't nervy enough to say they blamed me - she's told me everyone blames my boss - but now I'm feeling like I've been dirtied by the 'girls fighting at work' crap.  That it's become a huge thing that until my review, I wasn't even aware of.  And now, I just feel bad.

Seriously.  I'm anxious.  I think it's partly due to that wonderful flaw I have that anything less than perfect is unacceptable - which I understand in my head is crazy - but my emotions are having a tough time accepting.

My logical brain says that there's nothing more I can do - just continue as I am.  Which is funny, because that's exactly what my MD said to me when he took a brief moment out from his beer, "Just be you.  Be more confident about being you."  I think that may have actually been the quote and not something I plucked from a Hallmark website.

So many good things said to me and I'm obsessing over some little annoying twat's whining.

I think what got to me today was that I mentioned to my team member that our MD had said to me to not worry about someone as inconsequential as her (I think he really did say that) and that just to push my way through.  Her response was to say our MD said the same thing to the little twat about me.

I really need to stop listening to hearsay.

A friend recently told me that people who appear to be your friend yet always make you feel shitty after you've spoken with them, are actually passive aggressive and not really your friend.

I have no friends at work.  My only friend moved on because she couldn't stand the place (mostly because of her team - which is different one than mine).

It sucks being a woman in her 40's working not only in capital markets - but also IT.  Repeat after me: 'party of one!'

Sometimes I just don't think I'm strong enough.  I wish I was thicker skinned.

What not to say when you're at the doctors....

"If you're still not feeling better in two weeks, come back." my doctor said as we were heading out of the exam room.

"If I'm not better in two weeks, I'm going to shoot myself." I sarcastically reply, not thinking anything of it until I felt her small little hand on my shoulder and she said:

"Don't say that in a doctor's office, Laura."

I kind of laughed and then headed out but stopped in the bathroom on my way out.  When I came out of the bathroom, I got the, "Can you come here for a minute Laura?"

So, under the pretense of telling me my blood pressure is a little high (it never is, so it must be the flu...) she asks me, "You didn't really mean that you would shoot yourself, did you?"

Laughing ever so little, I said, "No, of course not.  I was just being a smart ass."

"You don't have guns at home do you?"

What?  Guns at home?  In my whole life, I never ever seen a gun.  Ever.  Well, except for the ones on tv - which probably aren't real anyway.  I've never even had a squirt gun.

"Uh, no."

"As your doctor, I have to ask.  It's kind of like when a kid tells his teacher that his dad will kill him if he brings home a bad mark."

Ahh, liability -  not believability.  "No, I wasn't serious.  I'm a little frustrated because I haven't exercised in a while - I've only been able to do some stretching."

"Don't say that in a doctors office."

"Got it.  Promise, never again."

Is it wrong that I found the whole thing really funny??

I still have over 50 comments!

Editorial comments, that is.  Ughh. I think I'm going to die of old age before I get them all done.......

Some updates....

A while back, on a different blog, I did this:http://theprodigalcanadian.blogspot.ca/2010/06/my-love-list.html?zx=6b30ec26fece163a

Now I have some updates - I want my soul mate/dream guy to have the following qualities:
23. He has to be willing to take the dead mice left from Monster's mouse hunting extravanganza's to the garbage
24. He has to be fit.  He doesn't have to be skinny (actually I'd prefer he wasn't skinny) nor muscle-man buff, but I'd like someone who is fit.  I don't want to look at him and wonder when the heart attack is going to happen.... (like the last two guys I dated.  They were too fat.)
25. Tall - at a minimum he has to be taller than me.  The closer to 6 feet tall, the better.   But I'll settle for 5'10".
26. Attractive.  I mentioned before that he needed to be sexy but I've decided I need to be more specific.  I'd like someone whom I also find attractive - preferably on first meeting....
27.  Big hands.  I just like men with big hands.
28.  Big shoulders (ditto the above.  Hey - they said to be specific)
29.  Good hugger.  He also has to be an initiator of hugging.
30.  Great kisser.  I'm too old to teach someone how....please let them be already trained.
31.  While on the sex theme:  great in bed.  Not to worry - I know this exercise is about being specific - but for this one I'll leave the details in my head...
32.  Good athlete - but one who doesn't mind waiting up for me (I am slow borderline not good in most sports - but I'd like to do them WITH someone.)  Inclusive without condescension.
33.  A reader.
34.  A restaurant guy.  This sounds kind of strange - but I really do like to go to restaurants - not just because I'm lazy and don't like to cook - but because I like to try different foods and go to different places.
35.  He has to like to cook.  And not be one of those messy cooks that uses every fork, spoon, knife and bowl in the place.  Well, at least not if he wants me to do the dishes... and I kind of don't mind doing dishes....I just hate have to do a complete scrub down after someone else cooks.
36.  A casual drinker.  I could live with someone who doesn't drink - as long as he's not judgemental about and it isn't because he's a recovering alcoholic - but I really don't want some guy with a drinking problem.
37.  Health conscious.  Not a health freak - but someone who cares about staying healthy.  Again - I don't want someone who's going to stroke out on me because he hasn't taken care of himself.
38.  A nice dresser, but also someone who likes to be caz...
39.  Someone who will be happy to split the cost of a cleaning lady.
40.  Someone who knows how to drive.  (Weird, I know - but I so don't want to be a chauffeur...)
41.  Likes to play cards.




Okay - it said you needed 100 items.  I'm still working on it.  Will come back to you with updates....

Last Tuesday

Frustrating conversations and the feeling that you are coming across in a less than positive way are possible now. You may feel that others are not as receptive to you as normal today.If that's the case then plan as quiet a day as possible and get things done with as little interaction with others till this passes.

Needless to say, I saw this horoscope for Tuesday AFTER I went out with a bunch of people....

The case of the missing underwear...

I don't know what's happening, but I seem to keep losing my underwear.

Sounds exciting, doesn't it?  Sorry, but it's not.

The first time it happened, I was meeting a friend for dinner after a planned training swim.  I'd left work, went to the pool, swam (and had a really good swim I might add....) and then when I was getting dressed afterwards to meet her for dinner, I couldn't find my underwear.

Anywhere.

It wasn't on the pool deck, it wasn't in the bathroom, it was in the change rooms, it wasn't in my bag, it wasn't caught up in my clothes.  It was NOWHERE.

Really not that big of a deal, I guess.  I've been known to go commando a few times at the cottage, but the problem was - aside from not having underwear, and yes, I think that's a problem - I was wearing a dress.  A work dress, but a dress all the same.  And although not short, it was above my knees - which meant when I sat down on the subway on the way to meet my friend, I felt very Sharon Stone-ish.  Mind you, I didn't lean back and cross my legs or anything..

Luckily, I met my friend at the local shopping mall, so although she wanted to meet at a certain location, I told her I couldn't, because they didn't sell underwear.

She didn't ask.  She's known me too long.

So a random occurrence?  Possibly, but it seems this week I've lost my sports bra.  I know I washed it last weekend at the cottage and when I couldn't pack it in my bag because it wasn't fully dry when I was leaving, I bunched it separately with the not-yet-dry short and t-shirt.  Somehow the running shorts and running shirt that were with it made it home, but the sports bra didn't.

I've looked in the car, I've looked in the garage, I've looked between my car and my apartment, I've looked all through my drawers and I've even looked up at the cottage, but nope.  It's not here.

How do these things just disappear?

Better question - WHY are these things disappearing??

Where I like to be

So I spent most of yesterday conniving my way out of Friday afternoon meetings only to spend most of my morning figuring out how to change the newly booked ones so I could go early and get on the road to the cottage.

Surprisingly, I was successful - even though I acquiesced on a 4pm meeting invite with, "I'll go if you make me" - but my rather immature whiny acceptance was received with a 'that's okay Laura, I'd like to leave early today too."

So mission complete - Friday afternoon empty - you'd think I'd had left early wouldn't you?  But no, somehow I got caught up in what I was doing (the fact that it was absolutely POURING outside might have had some influence over me...) and next thing I knew, I looked at the clock and it read 4:13 pm.

Yikes!  I promptly swept up the papers on my desk, stuck them in a drawer, told my neighbour to have a nice weekend and headed out.

And that's when my 'slooooow' mojo hit me.  I wandered home - barely beating the rain - watching the traffic and people.  Once in my apartment, I thought it was really important to sit down and RE-WATCH the show I had seen the previous night.  To top it off - it was a CANADIAN show!!! (Also known as extremely bad tv....but bad tv has never stopped me from velcroing myself to the couch before.)

Eventually I threw some stuff in a bag and decided I just needed to get going - but that's when I realised the battery in my garage door opener was dead and I couldn't GET to my car, let alone pack it.  So the wandering continued..... off to the local convenience store, where of course they didn't stock a battery the size of which I never seen before.  If I didn't know for sure it was a battery (because the girl I rent the spot from told me it was) I'm not sure I would have ever figured out what it was.  Well, it did have the usual battery ends, but it was shorter and stubbier than most.  It reads '12v' but it's also a 23A.  No, I have no idea what the hell that is.

So I skulked near the garage until someone drove in, then I skulked near my caged off 'special' parking area (security's tight - it's downtown Toronto...) until I could slip past someone and finally get my car. I drove to the tenant loading area, and fighting a lingering resistance to moving at all, I hooked on my bike rack, loaded my bike, filled the cooler, loaded my baggage and eventually remembered to get the cat - who decided today was the day to hide in the closet and meow for freaking ever when I finally found her and put her in her crate.

That all left me feeling fairly unenthused, but inertia works in my favour once I actually get moving.

A long drive to the cottage in the rain.  I like that sentence like that.  It doesn't really fit, but I'm leaving it there.

For the first time in a long time, I have the place to myself.  It's nice to have visitors - but sometimes it's oh so nice to be here on my own.

Now, unpacked and unfettered by a meowing cat (she's happy here) I slumped/plopped/sat down and rested my bones in my favourite chair with the big French doors open in front of me.  I treated myself to a cold Corona (it's a Friday tradition....I usually sit on the dock and breathe in the dock and the water and feel every molecule in my body relax, but tonight it was a little too late and a little too wet for that), I turned on the small light in the far corner so I'm mostly in the dark and I pulled out my guitar.

I've strummed some, I've sang some and now I'm just sitting back listening to the rain hit the leaves and the wind move the trees.

It's where I like to be.

Extremes

Apparently I am a woman of extremes.... Sometimes I answer all my emails as they come in, my inbox is empty, I blog daily-okay, regularly, and I somehow manage to do personal writing every day. Or I don't. And by 'don't' I mean I do nothing. No personal writing, no blog, and my inbox overflows... So.... I've blogged today (granted I should be working...) so I'm expecting if I haven't answered your email recently-it will happen soon.

I know it's been a while...

Today's horoscope might explain it:

As life continues with its myriad of situations, up and downs and varied relationships, a cynicism can creep into our perception.  Try not to become skeptical simply because things are not going your way every single day of your life.  Spiritual strength rests upon your ability to become a big picture person and see that somewhere along the line all of these experiences, whether good or bad, have a tremendous and positive impact upon us in the final outcome

Nuff said.