So, in the last 5 minutes - literally - two friends have told me they're expecting. Since it's been so long since I've had sex that I barely remember what it's like, I'm putting some serious cash on the fact that the third person won't be me.
You know, I've always done my best to be happy for my friends - and I've been successful - until now. It just makes me a little sad sometimes to hear how everyone seems to be growing, getting on with their lives while I just seem to be on skip and repeat. I'm back at the banks - this time in a lower level job and working for a guy that - although bright - is younger and less experienced than me and he makes me crazy. I've got an apartment to live in, but I don't own anything. At least in Sydney I used to own my own car - but now I have a car loan so I truly own nothing.
To be honest, that bothers me less than my personal life. I've done everything I can - I've quit jobs, moved countries to try to sort things out, yet it's moments like these that I just feel like I'm failing at life. I've spent years trying to sort myself out and in just 5 minutes it makes all that work seem so futile.
yeah, I know - it's not that bad. But the first email came from a friend that's here - that knew I was having a tough time, knew I was struggling yet I never heard from her in the last year. Vague attempts at dinner were made but I just gave up. So now, as the multi-birthday month of November has arrived and the dreaded Christmas is looming and the extremely wet, cold and gloomy weather has arrived, I get an email with their 'news' and it's just made me feel terrible. I know she's not purposely trying to do that - she's not that kind of person - but really - when does the time stop for me having to be happy for everyone and I have something that makes me happy for me?
Venting. It's suppose to make you feel better. Fingers crossed.
PS - I'm so not answering her email....
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