Dem all bitches...

Seriously.  Sometimes I really hate women.  No kidding.  Sometimes the thought of only working with guys is so appealing.  But I realise that's so wrong.  Too bad that knowing that's wrong doesn't stop me thinking it.

So what's going on?  you ask.

Well, I have a colleague who's decided that I was doing 'her work' and 'taking over' when in fact, I was asked by my boss and her boss to do something because she was busy doing other things.

She was being such a cow about it, that I acquiesced and told her it was all hers - I would leave it.  (The fact that I was home with pneumonia really reduced my fight capacity....funny how she picked the time when I was home sick to create such a stir.)

Apparently that wasn't good enough, so when my boss was in town last week for our team workshop - and after I left the pub at 6pm because I was still in recovery mode from pneumonia - she spent the night complaining about me to my boss.

Bitch.

Seriously?  She didn't say a word to ME about it, she just bitched to HIM.

Fucking cow.

So - during my annual review with my boss the next day - my hungover boss that is... he brings it up.  AND he even typed a comment into the review about getting along with junior co-workers.  Despite the fact that he rated me 'exceptional' on relationship building.

Seriously.  What fucking crap.

But to his credit, he admitted it was his fault the confusion had even happened BUT he was shocked when he heard that she had told me he'd backed her.  In turn, I was shocked that he told me she doesn't like me.   Really?  Isn't there something else you'd rather spend your energy on?   It's all so childish and I really want no part of it - yet somehow I'm stuck in the muddy middle.

I told my boss that I always remain professional, that my aim is to get things done and deliver for him, and that I will always be polite and even pleasant when I can be - that she doesn't have to like me, we just have to work together.

So he says to me, "but wouldn't it be nicer if she did like you?"

Somehow I managed to not tell him that I'm uninterested in whether a conniving little snivelling cow likes me or not.

Bitch.

So - any comment has been removed from my review and he's told me he's exceptionally happy with me, yaadda, yadda, yadda - but today it's still bugging me.  One of my team members is her friend - and I should stay away from her as well, because in the walk to the tea store and back today, I somehow managed to be told by her that no one thinks this other girl did anything wrong.  At least she wasn't nervy enough to say they blamed me - she's told me everyone blames my boss - but now I'm feeling like I've been dirtied by the 'girls fighting at work' crap.  That it's become a huge thing that until my review, I wasn't even aware of.  And now, I just feel bad.

Seriously.  I'm anxious.  I think it's partly due to that wonderful flaw I have that anything less than perfect is unacceptable - which I understand in my head is crazy - but my emotions are having a tough time accepting.

My logical brain says that there's nothing more I can do - just continue as I am.  Which is funny, because that's exactly what my MD said to me when he took a brief moment out from his beer, "Just be you.  Be more confident about being you."  I think that may have actually been the quote and not something I plucked from a Hallmark website.

So many good things said to me and I'm obsessing over some little annoying twat's whining.

I think what got to me today was that I mentioned to my team member that our MD had said to me to not worry about someone as inconsequential as her (I think he really did say that) and that just to push my way through.  Her response was to say our MD said the same thing to the little twat about me.

I really need to stop listening to hearsay.

A friend recently told me that people who appear to be your friend yet always make you feel shitty after you've spoken with them, are actually passive aggressive and not really your friend.

I have no friends at work.  My only friend moved on because she couldn't stand the place (mostly because of her team - which is different one than mine).

It sucks being a woman in her 40's working not only in capital markets - but also IT.  Repeat after me: 'party of one!'

Sometimes I just don't think I'm strong enough.  I wish I was thicker skinned.

What not to say when you're at the doctors....

"If you're still not feeling better in two weeks, come back." my doctor said as we were heading out of the exam room.

"If I'm not better in two weeks, I'm going to shoot myself." I sarcastically reply, not thinking anything of it until I felt her small little hand on my shoulder and she said:

"Don't say that in a doctor's office, Laura."

I kind of laughed and then headed out but stopped in the bathroom on my way out.  When I came out of the bathroom, I got the, "Can you come here for a minute Laura?"

So, under the pretense of telling me my blood pressure is a little high (it never is, so it must be the flu...) she asks me, "You didn't really mean that you would shoot yourself, did you?"

Laughing ever so little, I said, "No, of course not.  I was just being a smart ass."

"You don't have guns at home do you?"

What?  Guns at home?  In my whole life, I never ever seen a gun.  Ever.  Well, except for the ones on tv - which probably aren't real anyway.  I've never even had a squirt gun.

"Uh, no."

"As your doctor, I have to ask.  It's kind of like when a kid tells his teacher that his dad will kill him if he brings home a bad mark."

Ahh, liability -  not believability.  "No, I wasn't serious.  I'm a little frustrated because I haven't exercised in a while - I've only been able to do some stretching."

"Don't say that in a doctors office."

"Got it.  Promise, never again."

Is it wrong that I found the whole thing really funny??

I still have over 50 comments!

Editorial comments, that is.  Ughh. I think I'm going to die of old age before I get them all done.......

Some updates....

A while back, on a different blog, I did this:http://theprodigalcanadian.blogspot.ca/2010/06/my-love-list.html?zx=6b30ec26fece163a

Now I have some updates - I want my soul mate/dream guy to have the following qualities:
23. He has to be willing to take the dead mice left from Monster's mouse hunting extravanganza's to the garbage
24. He has to be fit.  He doesn't have to be skinny (actually I'd prefer he wasn't skinny) nor muscle-man buff, but I'd like someone who is fit.  I don't want to look at him and wonder when the heart attack is going to happen.... (like the last two guys I dated.  They were too fat.)
25. Tall - at a minimum he has to be taller than me.  The closer to 6 feet tall, the better.   But I'll settle for 5'10".
26. Attractive.  I mentioned before that he needed to be sexy but I've decided I need to be more specific.  I'd like someone whom I also find attractive - preferably on first meeting....
27.  Big hands.  I just like men with big hands.
28.  Big shoulders (ditto the above.  Hey - they said to be specific)
29.  Good hugger.  He also has to be an initiator of hugging.
30.  Great kisser.  I'm too old to teach someone how....please let them be already trained.
31.  While on the sex theme:  great in bed.  Not to worry - I know this exercise is about being specific - but for this one I'll leave the details in my head...
32.  Good athlete - but one who doesn't mind waiting up for me (I am slow borderline not good in most sports - but I'd like to do them WITH someone.)  Inclusive without condescension.
33.  A reader.
34.  A restaurant guy.  This sounds kind of strange - but I really do like to go to restaurants - not just because I'm lazy and don't like to cook - but because I like to try different foods and go to different places.
35.  He has to like to cook.  And not be one of those messy cooks that uses every fork, spoon, knife and bowl in the place.  Well, at least not if he wants me to do the dishes... and I kind of don't mind doing dishes....I just hate have to do a complete scrub down after someone else cooks.
36.  A casual drinker.  I could live with someone who doesn't drink - as long as he's not judgemental about and it isn't because he's a recovering alcoholic - but I really don't want some guy with a drinking problem.
37.  Health conscious.  Not a health freak - but someone who cares about staying healthy.  Again - I don't want someone who's going to stroke out on me because he hasn't taken care of himself.
38.  A nice dresser, but also someone who likes to be caz...
39.  Someone who will be happy to split the cost of a cleaning lady.
40.  Someone who knows how to drive.  (Weird, I know - but I so don't want to be a chauffeur...)
41.  Likes to play cards.




Okay - it said you needed 100 items.  I'm still working on it.  Will come back to you with updates....

Last Tuesday

Frustrating conversations and the feeling that you are coming across in a less than positive way are possible now. You may feel that others are not as receptive to you as normal today.If that's the case then plan as quiet a day as possible and get things done with as little interaction with others till this passes.

Needless to say, I saw this horoscope for Tuesday AFTER I went out with a bunch of people....

The case of the missing underwear...

I don't know what's happening, but I seem to keep losing my underwear.

Sounds exciting, doesn't it?  Sorry, but it's not.

The first time it happened, I was meeting a friend for dinner after a planned training swim.  I'd left work, went to the pool, swam (and had a really good swim I might add....) and then when I was getting dressed afterwards to meet her for dinner, I couldn't find my underwear.

Anywhere.

It wasn't on the pool deck, it wasn't in the bathroom, it was in the change rooms, it wasn't in my bag, it wasn't caught up in my clothes.  It was NOWHERE.

Really not that big of a deal, I guess.  I've been known to go commando a few times at the cottage, but the problem was - aside from not having underwear, and yes, I think that's a problem - I was wearing a dress.  A work dress, but a dress all the same.  And although not short, it was above my knees - which meant when I sat down on the subway on the way to meet my friend, I felt very Sharon Stone-ish.  Mind you, I didn't lean back and cross my legs or anything..

Luckily, I met my friend at the local shopping mall, so although she wanted to meet at a certain location, I told her I couldn't, because they didn't sell underwear.

She didn't ask.  She's known me too long.

So a random occurrence?  Possibly, but it seems this week I've lost my sports bra.  I know I washed it last weekend at the cottage and when I couldn't pack it in my bag because it wasn't fully dry when I was leaving, I bunched it separately with the not-yet-dry short and t-shirt.  Somehow the running shorts and running shirt that were with it made it home, but the sports bra didn't.

I've looked in the car, I've looked in the garage, I've looked between my car and my apartment, I've looked all through my drawers and I've even looked up at the cottage, but nope.  It's not here.

How do these things just disappear?

Better question - WHY are these things disappearing??

Where I like to be

So I spent most of yesterday conniving my way out of Friday afternoon meetings only to spend most of my morning figuring out how to change the newly booked ones so I could go early and get on the road to the cottage.

Surprisingly, I was successful - even though I acquiesced on a 4pm meeting invite with, "I'll go if you make me" - but my rather immature whiny acceptance was received with a 'that's okay Laura, I'd like to leave early today too."

So mission complete - Friday afternoon empty - you'd think I'd had left early wouldn't you?  But no, somehow I got caught up in what I was doing (the fact that it was absolutely POURING outside might have had some influence over me...) and next thing I knew, I looked at the clock and it read 4:13 pm.

Yikes!  I promptly swept up the papers on my desk, stuck them in a drawer, told my neighbour to have a nice weekend and headed out.

And that's when my 'slooooow' mojo hit me.  I wandered home - barely beating the rain - watching the traffic and people.  Once in my apartment, I thought it was really important to sit down and RE-WATCH the show I had seen the previous night.  To top it off - it was a CANADIAN show!!! (Also known as extremely bad tv....but bad tv has never stopped me from velcroing myself to the couch before.)

Eventually I threw some stuff in a bag and decided I just needed to get going - but that's when I realised the battery in my garage door opener was dead and I couldn't GET to my car, let alone pack it.  So the wandering continued..... off to the local convenience store, where of course they didn't stock a battery the size of which I never seen before.  If I didn't know for sure it was a battery (because the girl I rent the spot from told me it was) I'm not sure I would have ever figured out what it was.  Well, it did have the usual battery ends, but it was shorter and stubbier than most.  It reads '12v' but it's also a 23A.  No, I have no idea what the hell that is.

So I skulked near the garage until someone drove in, then I skulked near my caged off 'special' parking area (security's tight - it's downtown Toronto...) until I could slip past someone and finally get my car. I drove to the tenant loading area, and fighting a lingering resistance to moving at all, I hooked on my bike rack, loaded my bike, filled the cooler, loaded my baggage and eventually remembered to get the cat - who decided today was the day to hide in the closet and meow for freaking ever when I finally found her and put her in her crate.

That all left me feeling fairly unenthused, but inertia works in my favour once I actually get moving.

A long drive to the cottage in the rain.  I like that sentence like that.  It doesn't really fit, but I'm leaving it there.

For the first time in a long time, I have the place to myself.  It's nice to have visitors - but sometimes it's oh so nice to be here on my own.

Now, unpacked and unfettered by a meowing cat (she's happy here) I slumped/plopped/sat down and rested my bones in my favourite chair with the big French doors open in front of me.  I treated myself to a cold Corona (it's a Friday tradition....I usually sit on the dock and breathe in the dock and the water and feel every molecule in my body relax, but tonight it was a little too late and a little too wet for that), I turned on the small light in the far corner so I'm mostly in the dark and I pulled out my guitar.

I've strummed some, I've sang some and now I'm just sitting back listening to the rain hit the leaves and the wind move the trees.

It's where I like to be.